TTO - 2001 Talk Show Appearances

Clicking on the thumbnail images will cause larger versions of the images to open in a separate window (some images may not have larger versions).

1. Tonight (NBC), January 10

Jay Leno introduces Tracey by mentioning her seven Emmy awards, which prompts guest George Clooney (who was promoting his new film O Brother Where Art Thou?) to say he never liked her (this was said in jest). She comes out to the cheers of the audience and comments on the smell of wet audience (it had been raining hard in L.A.that day). The Storm Team 2000 blanket coverage has people panicking in the canyons, she says. Then she turns her attention to George. The girls at her office want to know how he smells, so she proceeds to smell him. She's impressed. It's important to women to know how a man smells, she points out. She then compliments him on his wearing a turtleneck; not many men do that nowadays, she says -- it's a "Mary Tyler Moore's boyfriend" look, and he pulls it off well. Just don't go for stripes, for that gives you the Bert and Ernie look. Meanwhile, Jay's being ignored. He gets a phone and calls for a car, saying he'll be down in about five minutes. Finally, Tracey talks to Jay. He wants to ask about a problem with medication, but first she says that husband Allan (who's just offstage) doesn't have a problem with her smelling George or other men; she's not going anywhere. They just celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary, in fact. Now to that medication story: when Allan had his yearly checkup, his doctor gave him a few free samples of Viagra (not that he needs it). When he got back to his car, he tossed them into a tin of Altoids and thought nothing of it. A week later, he was driving with son Johnny when he noticed Johnny digging into the Altoids tin and eating something. What color was that thing you just ate, he asked; blue, said Johnny, implying he'd eaten the Viagra. Horrors! He's going to have an erection until 9th grade! Fortunately, he was just kidding.

Jay then turns the conversation to the Golden Globes. Tracey is up for one for her role in Small Time Crooks -- a film award this time, rather than the TV awards she's been up for in the past. She'll be sitting in the more prestigious film section of the audience this time. We then see a clip from Small Time Crooks; it's the same clip that aired last May, the scene where Frenchie guesses that Ray's going to rob a bank. It's also the scene where she's wearing those hideous lime-green leggings, the ones that highlight the female anatomy. "The Vagina Monologues," cracks Tracey. Yes, that was a little gynecological. Her mother was disappointed in her; why would you do something like this in a big movie, she asked. Tracey then says she was sick of being a sex symbol. This turns into an opportunity to plug Purple Skirt, her online boutique. We shouldn't be scared of buying things from her, she says. It's the slow season now. Jay then asks if she's buying a network. No, but she and Allan are interested in starting up an interactive TV channel, Quiz TV: all call-in quizzes, all the time. The idea came from their experience with a personal interactive cable channel back in Britain. And on that note, Jay wishes her luck at the Golden Globes and ends the segment.

Top

2. Parkinson (BBC), February 17

NOTE: This date is the original airdate in Britain. It first aired in the US on December 29 on BBC America in an edited version; these notes are based on the original British broadcast.

Host Michael Parkinson observes that he'll be interviewing three strong women tonight. Tracey is his first guest; he introduces her as a "superstar of American television." She comes out to a very warm welcome from the audience. After they sit down, Michael tells her that he's wanted to interview her for a long time. She recalls the time she met him in 1977 at the Liverpool Empire, when she was a dancer at the start of her professional career, doing a horrible routine of twirling batons to the theme from Star Wars. Unlike some of the other male stars there, she says, he did not pinch the girls' bottoms. He asks her why she moved to America; it was mainly to follow her husband, who'd been living there for a number of years. That grounding certainly helped her avoid the difficulties of other British performers who head out to Hollywood looking for work but get homesick after three weeks. She stayed put and toughed it out, sustained in part by a strong desire to work with Woody Allen, which she's done three times so far. She recalls walking around the Beverly Center while pregnant and being turned off by the phony sincerity of the clerks ("you're special", "have a nice day", that sort of thing). L.A. was rather grim back then, fashion- and style-wise, but it's improved. Either that, or she's become more Californian, and she doesn't think that's the case.

While watching Woody's films, Tracey goes on to say, she noticed that he celebrated the loser, which was so unlike the American tendency to celebrate the winner. After seeing a tape of her, Woody finally invited her to work with him. He said she was funny from the inside, and she took that as an enormous compliment. Michael says that she was marvelous in Small Time Crooks (despite the green leggings, she points out). He asks if she was always going to be this entertainer. She always wanted to put on shows as a child, she says, and imitate real people like Miss Cox from across the road, who lost her fiancé in World War I, had a drip nose and wore a woolen hat. Why did you want to be her, asks Michael. "I don't know!" responds Tracey. Why does she want to be a Middle Eastern cab driver? Maybe she's trying to recapture the spirit of past lives. She calls herself a parrot. Some people are good at sports or playing the piano; her talent is imitating people. She would take a job in Newcastle just to learn the regional accent there. The conversation then turns to her days at the Italia Conti stage school, which wasn't one of her favorite times. What kept her going, she says, was the thought that there had to be something better than that. She found it at age 16, going to Berlin to dance in a German version of Gigi. She says it was the best time of her life, because she was free, and she had a lot of fun with 28 homosexuals in pink platform boots. It was much better than Hackbridge, which was notable for its fish-and-chips shop and sewer works. Dance was just going to be a stepping stone to get in the business, she says; it was not going to be her career.

Michael then mentions comedian Les Dawson, that he saw a budding talent in her. Yes, she worked with him in Blackpool during the summer of 1978, she says; there were two sunny days the whole season. She recalls being invited to play in the card games with him before the shows. He said she should try to be funny, but she wondered how she could do that, lacking the build to be one of Benny Hill's girls. But he did encourage her, and she's never forgotten that. Michael takes the conversation back to the movies, saying that he hopes for more good movie roles for Tracey. She hopes for them too, as they are few and far between. She may have a good shot at working with Woody Allen again, as he tends to rely on a standard repertory of actors. The matter of age comes up; Tracey freely admits to being 41, with menopause on the way, so she can look forward to hot flashes and vaginal dryness. This leads to her continuing complaint about American's fascination with their bums; the "ass aisle" is a regular part of American pharmacies. And how can anyone buy stool softener without feeling disgusted with him- or herself? Getting back to age, she's comfortable with getting older, for she hasn't got looks to lose [she sells herself short -- RR]. Michael then mentions the prejudice against older actresses. Tracey then talks about women who've had botox injected into their wrinkles to smooth them out, but it leaves them unable to show many expressions with their faces. She decries the practice of sucking out pieces of one's bum and injecting them into one's lips [a la Linda Granger -- RR]; it doesn't sit well, she says (pun not intended). Some plastic surgery is OK, but nothing major. Michael says she should talk with Dolly Parton, an expert at having enhancements done. Suddenly, Tracey gasps in shock; "they're not real??" she asks, referring to Dolly's breasts. Yes, they are real, so the conversation continues.

There aren't any American actresses who are willing to play someone's mother, says Tracey; they have to import Joan Plowright, Maggie Smith or Judi Dench for that. Michael then points out that seniors are well represented in American news programs, something that's not really true in Britain. Barbara Walters is still there, notes Tracey. This then turns into a gripe session against older air stewardesses; you can't get rid of them because it would be lawsuit city. They can be horrible, she says, but the gay male stewards are just fine with her; she loves them. She's gotten a number of upgrades from them over the years. But the "old battleaxes" -- "oh please, retire", she mutters under her breath. It must be because they have vaginal dryness, so you have to be sympathetic to them. Michael is a bit put out by the constant recurrence of the dryness theme, so Tracey gives him a hard time: "You've got three women on the show! Get used to it!" It's the first show of the season for him, and he's schfitzing, she says [I doubt that's spelled correctly -- RR]. The conversation then turns to the pressures on young women to have matchstick figures, a la Ally McBeal. Tracey tells of girls having injections of testosterone to stay thin. It's a competition between the women on Ally to stay thin. But she wants to make it clear that Calista Flockhart is not anorexic. She's a really slight person who is quite busy on her series, so she can't afford to lose any weight. She calls Calista "bloody smart" and "a joy to work with." It's tough being a woman, she says; at 16, you're sticking your finger down your throat, then you get older and get vaginal dryness, and then you die.

What's next for her? Being the bossy and self-opinionated person she is, she writes her own material. She's working on a screenplay -- her own Dr. Strangelove, she calls it. Yes, Peter Sellers was a hero of hers; no, they never met. But Michael met Peter, she notes. She also notes that he looks much the same over time, calling him "genetically gifted." She says he smells nice, too -- all cashmere-y and rich. Michael asks if she has any plans to work in Britain. She then puts out a request to Alan Bennett or any other top British playwright to write something for her. She wants to show them her goods. And on that note, the interview concludes.

Also appearing with Tracey were Dolly Parton and Olympic heptathlon winner Denise Lewis.

Top

3. Today (NBC), March 26

For the third year in a row, Tracey is providing commentary on the Oscar ceremony. Joining her this year are Matt Lauer, Al Roker and Chris Isaak. She calls the show the revenge of the stylists on the women, complaining about how Kate Hudson looked like Barbara Mandrell on the old Glen Campbell show and how Juliette Binoche looked like Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot. Now Bjork ("B-jork"), who has the strangest accent, managed to look like a lunatic all on her own; no stylist can be blamed for her garb. Chris liked Jennifer Lopez's outfit (it was semi-transparent, so her nipples were visible). Tracey says the director must have had an Elvis rule for her: no shooting below the clavicle. She then observes that the Academy is running out of really good old people to honor now. Chris says that there should be a rule: if anyone says in his or her acceptance speech that he/she doesn't deserve the award, a pro hockey player should come charging out and reclaim it physically. Matt thought that the winners from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon were the best group, were quite eloquent, etc. Tracey envisions agents all over Hollywood looking to sign up those Chinese performers such as Shih-Tsu Pu (say it fast). She also sees why Chow Yun-Fat is not a bigger star in America: his terribly accented English (you mean he wasn't addressing the audience in Chinese?). Matt reminds her that she complained last year about the absence of dance numbers. There was one last night, as part of one of the Best Song presentations. She says the guy was like a Shih-Tsu in heat (gotta get that in). And what did Chris think about the Best Song nominees? He takes a long time to respond, which kinda tells you what he thought (though he did like Randy Newman's number). He liked the Britney Spears Pepsi commercial better than any of the nominees (Tracey said it was a bit pornographic). She observes that Bob Dylan, the winner, said more then than he'd said in the last 25 years. Matt thought Bob was thrilled to received the award, but Chris disagreed; he may have been distracted by the 40-minute delay in his performance. His appearance on the gigantic monitor was straight out of Brave New World, continued Chris. Tracey thought Bob looked like Vincent Price and Salvador Dali. And how did everyone like Steve Martin as host? Tracey enjoyed him; she liked his joke about Russell Crowe (paraphrased: I'd like to say he's a personal friend of mine, but he doesn't want me to). Matt noted that Russell didn't care for Steve, that he seemed constipated for half the evening. You may laugh, says Chris, but constipation can be serious for some people. This leads to Tracey wanting to talk about constipation and vaginal dryness. Matt thinks she would be a good host, but she demurs, saying she'd wear very thin after a while. But she does get into it, wondering why Russell didn't do a big Australian thing (sliding into Rayleen Gibson as she says this), sticking your head up a dead bear's ass. Matt decides to retract his recommendation about her being a good host. Chris then talks about the woman in the background who gave the awards to the presenters. Matt calls him woman-obsessed, to which Al responds "you ever see his show?" Chris then takes out some notes he made for today's thing -- notes written on the margins of some Yellow Pages for massages (he's had sciatica from an early age, he says). He presents his idea for a scrolling thank-you list that would appear on the podium while the winner is making his/her speech. And on that note, the segment ends. Matt introduces the next segment after the break: the decade before menopause. Tracey's going to be paying attention to that segment.

Top

4. Today (NBC), September 11

NOTE: Tracey's appearance took place around 8:20 AM Eastern time, some 25 to 30 minutes before the first airplane was crashed into the World Trade Center. The interview aired in the Eastern time zone but did not air elsewhere in the country. And in an unintentionally eerie foreshadowing of the events that were to come, Matt Lauer had said during the 8 AM segment that they had a breach of security there. He was jokingly referring to Tracey's presence in the plaza, of course.

As the 8 AM segment begins, we see the people in Rockefeller Plaza gather as they usually do. We also see Tracey with three redheads. She had complimented one of them on her haircut but was surprised to learn it was a wig ("I'm an idiot!" she said). Katie Couric will interview Tracey later in the hour; she says she was with Tracey at a fashion show Sunday night.

Some 18 minutes later, we see a few clips from Tracey's new show on Oxygen, Visible Panty Lines (VPL). We briefly see her in that infamous dress from the Golden Globes from 1988, and then we see her with Cindy in the home of the Purple Skirt empire. We see a picture of Cindy at 4 years old with "ratted" hair; and yes, she had her mole at that age -- it is indeed real.

The clips end, and we see Tracey pointing to her mole ("it's real too"). Katie says that someone that beautiful is not allowed to be that nice, referring to Cindy. Tracey says she thought Katie was talking about her, to which Katie replies "you, too." Everybody seemed to be having fun in the clips. Tracey says we've all had visible panty lines at some time in life, and that they'd probably have one if they stood up right then (they do not stand up). Katie suggests thongs; Tracey replies "I digest thongs." That reminds Katie of what Minnie Driver said once: "Me bum is eating me knickers." Once you go to thongs, you never go back, says Katie, but then that would spell the end of the VPL show. Tracey wonders if Katie is thonging it now, and she will continue to wonder because Katie deflects the question ("that's a little personal"). Now to the show: Tracey does the show in her offices. It's easy for her, for there's no waking up at 4 AM, putting on rubber and hair and pretending she's from the Middle East (she says this last bit as Chic). This show is helping her to listen to people, for she knows she tends to dominate a conversation. It allows her to talk to women about personal style, more than just clothing. On the screen, we now see a makeover session on one of Tracey's friends, who happens to be pregnant. There will be a makeover on every episode, says Tracey. The conversation then turns to Jose Eber -- what's under the hat? Antennae, he's from another planet, jokes Tracey. He never seems to age, notes Katie. We talk about women aging on the show, says Tracey. She makes fun of those who've had collagen put in their lips and those who've injected their wrinkles with botox ("My dog's dead? I've had botox, I can't frown!"). She says "Women in America have to age with more dignity." No one's talking about how pathetic they look with horrible cosmetic surgery, she goes on to say. What can you do, asks Katie, that's short of surgery but still improves your looks? Would Tracey ever consider anything? She won't rule it out. Katie tells Tracey she looks fantastic and asks how old she is ("41"). Well, you look good too, Tracey tells Katie; she's turned in a model-sex-fashion icon lately. Katie recalls a recent visit to her dermatologist, where she saw girls in their late 20's getting botox injections in their forehead wrinkles. They're trying to freeze at 27, observes Tracey unapprovingly. Her goal is to have women not take themselves so seriously, not to be frightened of aging or being too thin. We're going to talk to you on Friday, says Katie (I don't know if this was to be another appearance; if it was, it certainly did not happen -- RR). And on that note, the interview ends.

Top

5. Today (NBC), December 13

It's a gray and damp morning in Rockefeller Center as Matt Lauer interviews Tracey in the courtyard. He introduces her as one of the Today show's favorite guests -- beautiful (whoa, reacts Tracey), funny, Emmy-winning actress. How many awards has she won, he asks. Seven -- count 'em, she says, drawing cheers from the crowd. She proceeds to run her hand through his hair -- there's product up there, she says, prompting a warning from Matt: "Don't you touch!" They get serious for a moment: the last time she was on the show was September 11, a half-hour or so before the attacks began. She hadn't made it home from the studio when it started, she says. It's totally weird comparing before and after. But this is her first time back in New York since then, and it's fantastic to be back, she exclaims, drawing even more cheers from the crowd. And she's not officially plugging anything this time, although she unofficially plugs Purple Skirt and her Visible Panty Lines show throughout. This visit is for fun: "I love to see you Matt, I really do," she says. Then she demonstrates it by kissing him rather vigorously on the cheeks. He's going to kill me, she says; no, he won't, replies Matt, but he knows who will: his wife Annette.

The conversation then turns to the hot item on Purple Skirt and Rockefeller Center: personalized graffiti T-shirts. At Purple Skirt, explains Tracey, you can get a T-shirt with your name spray-painted on it by an L.A. graffiti artist. The proceeds from the T-shirts, along with selected other products, will be donated to OCRF, the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund. OCRF's big fundraiser this year was canceled in the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks. Now Matt asks why they are standing so far from the shirts. "Because we can't walk and talk at the same time!" exclaims Tracey. But they do walk over to the shirts and meet the artist, Luis Paladino. She asks him to do the first T-shirt for Matt's wife Annette, making up for the kisses she gave him earlier. The shirts are not that expensive, she says; they're only about $25 or so. As she says this, we see Luis painting Annette's name on the shirt. When he's done, Matt says it looks just like something on the side of a building. Has Luis ever painted on the side of a building? No, he says (I'm not so sure about that -- RR). Now Tracey goes to the audience and selects a few people to receive T-shirts. The first to get one is Micalyn, followed by Sandra and Leslie. Matt then asks Tracey if she was always so much of a fashion hound. Yes, she has been; she loves individuality in fashion. She doesn't want anybody worrying about not being a size 2 bulemic Italian fashion model. Be yourself, she urges. If you want to wear a turban and elasticated pants, then that's all right with her. Matt comments that the pants were just like the ones she wore in that Woody Allen film (Small Time Crooks -- RR). Tracey then works in a plug for her Visible Panty Lines show, as we see an excerpt from the episode featuring Rita Wilson. Matt then asks her if the clothes she wears on the show are part of a cross-promotion deal; yes, sometimes, she replies. Meanwhile, Luis is still busy painting T-shirts. He seems really calm doing his work. He explains that he's been in a lot of other situations... "where the police have been sent," finishes Tracey. As the segment wraps up, she offers this final word: things that were funny before September 11 and still are funny today are toupees and visible panty lines. They're perennially funny. And after wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, the interview ends.

Top

6. Daily Show (Comedy Central), December 13

Jon Stewart mentions Tracey's role in Small Time Crooks, her Tracey Takes On... series and her new series on Oxygen, Visible Panty Lines. We then see an excerpt from the VPL series featuring Cindy Crawford; at one point in the segment, Tracey mentions that Cindy's had to use the restroom on several occasions (no doubt due to her pregnancy). The clip ends, and Jon introduces Tracey. He asks what they talk about on her show. Visible panty lines, personal style, things like that, she replies. She also says it was great to say to someone like Cindy that breastfeeding will take all the starch out of them. She brings people to her L.A. [Santa Monica, to be precise -- RR] offices of PurpleSkirt.com -- she's no dot-goner. Jon asks what Purple Skirt is. Does it sell dirty stuff? No, it sells an eclectic mix of fashion from various designers; the emphasis is "be an individual." It also sells thongs, which you could say are the dirtiest things it sells. Once again, she says she hates thongs; her bum digests them. Many women in the audience concur with her opinion. At the end of the day, you look and you say "I'm sure I was wearing a thong today." It doesn't matter who makes them, they all vanish. There's bound to be a munching sound during the day. Jon is looking a little lost here, so he throws out a question about if anyone's ever got their balls caught in the zipper. Meanwhile, Tracey is celebrating her holiday kilt. "You can't stand it, can you?" she says to Jon. "Woman, you're insane!" is his reply. He gets the interview back on track by asking about Oxygen: is it Lifetime? It's a network with a female slant, she says. It's got good people -- herself, Carrie Fisher. Jon has started laughing when Tracey said "me", prompting her to say "You gotta learn to blow your own trumpet in this business," to which Jon replies "I wish." This draws howls from the audience; they take it as some kind of double-entendre. She continues with the people on Oxygen: Carrie Fisher, Isaac Mizrahi, Todd Oldham, herself. "In other words, all ladies," comments Jon. Tracey is not very thrilled by that remark. Jon then asks about the difference between Oxygen and Lifetime, observing that there are now a lot of women-oriented networks out there. She never really answers that question; instead, she tells Jon that he's really become legitimate. She recalls his days of being the Hebrew that outgrew MTV. He's winning Emmys and wearing nice suits now; she remembers seeing him one day wearing a donkey jacket stinking of garlic! He still has that jacket, he admits. She goes on: the executives at Oxygen asked for her show to be like the Daily Show except about style. Jon finds this a little hard to believe: "oh, you don't know anything about TV," he says, drawing a laugh from Tracey. Then she turns serious and tells him that she loves his show and thinks he's doing a great job. The audience roars its approval. Then she starts complaining about the quality of American news coverage of the war: the Trail of Terror. The coverage is terrible, she bemoans. Now the BBC news is all right; there, the focus is not on the female anchor's hair color or breast size, it's on the news. She also praises the bit of Canadian news coverage she saw on the day of the attacks [I believe C-Span carried some -- RR]. She also mentions the Australians that are on at 1 AM. It's straight news, none of this overblown production that we have here. Let the soldiers get on with it, she says. Jon asks her if she's ever heard of Ritalin. She laughs and says she'd like to try it sometime. She tells of a friend who once took it and said he could count the stitching on a sofa. It gives you that much focus. Jon mentions college students are taking it to focus on their studies. Ritalin during the week, Ecstasy on the weekends; that's college for you! It's not like back when they went to college. Tracey says she quit school at 14. Jon is surprised by this; he calls her one of the brightest people he's ever met. "Now he's praising me," she says; to Jon, she says "You're really special!" in a tongue-in-cheek manner. Getting back to the donkey jacket and the garlic: Jon says it could have smelled of cigarette smoke, for he used to smoke. Tracey responds that her daughter Mabel smokes. She's studying in England, and all they do in school is smoke. She'll get better, Jon says. And on that note, the interview concludes.

Top